When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started….

**************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started

************************************************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt”. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.      She said, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.”

And then the fight started…..

***********************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” I sighed, “she’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says my wife, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

And then the fight started

************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it….he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And that’s how the fight started

************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s how the fight started

Submitted by Rachel D. from Wilmore, KY

Read this note very carefully.

I did not know about the clear button, but I will be pushing the clear button before I swipe my gas or debit card and after just to be safe.

People are getting really desperate due to the constantly rising gas prices.

A friend just told me about something that happened to one of his coworkers.

She used her credit/debit card to purchase gas at the pump (like most of us do). She received her receipt like normal.

However, when she checked her statement, there were (2) $50 charges added in addition to her purchase. Upon investigation, she found out that because she did not press the ‘clear’ button on the pump, the employee inside the store was able to use her card to purchase his/her own gas!

To keep this from happening, after you get your receipt, you must press the ‘CLEAR’ button or your information will be stored until the next customer inserts their card. Be sure to tell all your friends/family so that this doesn’t happen to them!

(**I had never noticed the clear button but I got gas the other day and sure enough it is there. I will be using it from now on….)

Submitted by Rachel D. from Wilmore, KY

I’m voting Democrat because English has no place being the official language in America.

I’m voting Democrat because it’s better to turn corn into fuel than it is to eat.

I’m voting Democrat because I’d rather pay $8 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America.

I’m voting Democrat because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could.

I’m voting Democrat because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they’ll think we’re a good and decent country.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe people who can’t tell us if it will rain in two or three days, can now tell us the polar ice caps will disappear in ten years if I don’t start riding a bicycle, build a windmill or inflate my tires to proper levels.

I’m voting Democrat because it’s alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings.

I’m voting Democrat because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I know the government can respond faster through a call to 911 than I can with a gun in my hand.

I’m voting Democrat because oil companies’ 5% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% on the same gallon of gas are just fine.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters.

I’m voting Democrat because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can’t blame them for that, can we?

I’m voting Democrat because now I can now marry whatever I want, so I’ve decided to marry my jackass.

Makes ya wonder why anyone would ever vote Republican, doesn’t it?

Submitted by Anna W. from Nashville, TN

A co-worker used her credit/debit card to purchase gas at the pump (like most of us do).  She received her receipt like normal. However, when she checked her statement, there were 2 $50 charges added in addition to her purchase. Upon investigation, she found out that because she did not press the ‘clear’ button on the pump, the employee inside the store was able to use her card to purchase his/her own gas!  To keep this from happening, after you get your receipt, you must press the ‘CLEAR’ button or your information will be stored until the next customer inserts their card. Be sure to tell all your friends/family so that this doesn’t happen to them!

Submitted by Rachel D. from Wilmore, KY

WHERE TOO BUY YOUR GAS

WHERE TO BUY AMERICAN GASOLINE. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON.

Gas rationing in the 70’s worked even though we grumbled about it. It might even have been good for us!

Are you aware that the Saudis are boycotting American products?

Shouldn’t we return the favor? Can’t we take control of our own destiny and let these giant oil importers know who REALLY generates their profits, their livings? How about leaving American Dollars in America and reduce the import/export deficit?

An appealing remedy might be to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up your car you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just purchase gas from companies that don’t import their oil from the Saudis.

Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill up my tank, I’m sending my money to people who I get the impression want me, my family and my friends dead. Don’t you think it might be of interest to know which oil companies import Middle Eastern oil and which do not?

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell…………………………….. 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco……………… 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil………………….. 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway………… 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco………………………….. 62,231,000 barrels

And CITGO oil is imported from Venezuela by Dictator Hugo Chavez who hates America and openly avows our economic destruction! (We pay Chavez’s regime nearly $10 Billion per year in oil revenues!)

The U.S. currently imports 5,517,000 barrels of crude oil per day from OPEC. If you do the math at $95 per barrel, that’s over $524 million PER DAY ($191 BILLION per year!) handed over to OPEC, many of whose members are our confirmed enemies!!!!!

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco………………….. 0 barrels
Conoco………………….. 0 barrels
Sinclair………………….. 0 barrels
BP / Phillips……………. &n bsp;0 barrels
Hess. …………………………………………. 0 barrels
ARC0…………………………………… 0 barrels
Maverick…………………. 0 barrels
Flying J. ……………………………………. 0 barrels
Valero…………………….. 0 barrels
… I AM GOING TO ADD THE FOLLOWING.

Murphy Oil USA sold at Wal-Mart is from South Arkansas and owned USA
Not only that they give scholarships to all children in their town who finish high school and are legal US citizens. All of this information is available from the U.S. Department of Energy and each company is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing.

But to have a real impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. With the help of the internet, it’s really simple to do. Now, don’t wimp out at this point….keep reading and I’ll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!