A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed.
“Yes, they used to be,” remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large letter on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked.
“The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.  Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this incident, the instructions now include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she answered
“Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was alive.”
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OH

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So, how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’”

Colonoscopy humor:

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

• Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.
• Find Amelia Earhart yet?
• Can you hear me NOW?
• Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!
• Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
• You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.
• Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
• You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey….
• Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
• If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!
• Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
• You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?
• Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?

Submitted by Rachel D. from Wilmore, KY

These holes are not only amazing, but some of them are really terrifying - especially #8!  The sheer scale of these holes reminds you of just how tiny you are.

Kimberley Big Hole - South Africa

Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed in 1914.

Glory Hole - Monticello Dam, California

A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.  This is the ‘Glory Hole’ at Monticello dam, And it’s the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second.

Bingham Canyon Mine, Utah

This is supposedly the largest man-made excavation on earth. Extraction began in 1863 and still continues today, the pit increasing in size constantly. In its current state the hole is miles deep and 2.5 miles wide.

Great Blue Hole , Belize

This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a Blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize.  There are numerous blue holes around the world, but none as stunning as this one.

Mirny Diamond Mine , Serbia

I’m pretty sure most people have seen this one.  It’s an absolute beast and holds the title of largest open diamond mines in the world. At 525 meters deep, with a top diameter of 1200 meters, there’s even a no-fly zone above the hole due to a few helicopters having been sucked in.

Diavik Mine, Canada

The mine is so huge and the area so remote that it has its own airport with a runway large enough to accommodate a Boeing 737.  It looks equally cool when the surrounding water is frozen.

Sinkhole in Guatemala

These photos are of a sinkhole that occurred early this year in Guatemala. The hole swallowed a dozen homes and killed at least 3 people.

And the really terrifying one? #8

This is the famous ‘Rat Hole’ that you have heard about.  It is capable of swallowing trillions and trillions of U.S. Dollars… annually! Never to be heard from again.

Submitted by Brenda C. from Lovington, IL

My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world’s most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.  I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and I am a member of many rescue teams from many countries.  I was the United Nations expert in Disaster Mitigation for two years.  I have worked at every major disaster in the world since 1985, except for simultaneous disasters.

The first building I ever crawled inside of was a school in Mexico City during the 1985 earthquake. Every child was under its desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks in the aisles. It was obscene, unnecessary and I wondered why the children were not in the aisles. I didn’t at the time know that the children were told to hide under something.

Simply stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings falling upon the objects or furniture inside, crushes these objects, leaving a space or void next to them. This space is what I call the ‘triangle of life’ The larger the object, the stronger, the less it will compact. The less the object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the person who is using this void for safety will not be injured. The next time you watch collapsed buildings, on television, count the ‘triangles’ you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common shape, you will see, in a collapsed building.

TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY

Most everyone who simply “ducks and covers” when buildings collapse are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars, are crushed.

Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position. You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survival instinct. You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa, next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void next to it.

Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.

If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on The back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.

If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.

Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!

Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different ‘moment of frequency’ (they swing separately from the main part of the building). The stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into each other until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads - horribly mutilated. Even if the building doesn’t collapse, stay away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.

Get near the outer walls of buildings or outside of them if possible.  It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the probability that your escape route will be blocked.

People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly across them.

I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper offices and other offices with a lot of paper, that paper does not compact. Large voids are found surrounding stacks of paper.

Spread the word and save someone’s life. The Entire world is experiencing natural calamities so be prepared!

“We are but angels with one wing, it takes two to fly”

In 1996 we made a film, which proved my survival methodology to be correct. The Turkish Federal Government, City of Istanbul, University of Istanbul Case Productions and ARTI cooperated to film this practical, scientific test. We collapsed a school and a home with 20 mannequins inside. Ten mannequins did “duck and cover,” and ten mannequins I used in my “triangle of life” survival method. After the simulated earthquake collapse we crawled through the rubble and entered the building to film and document the results. The film, in which I practiced my survival techniques under directly observable, scientific conditions, relevant to building collapse, showed there would have been zero percent survival for those doing duck and cover.

There would likely have been 100 percent survivability for people using my method of the “triangle of life.”  This film has been seen by millions of viewers on television in Turkey and the rest of Europe , and it was seen in the USA, Canada and Latin America on the TV program Real TV.

Think carefully about what you will be reading.  This is a new one for me.

Mary had a little Lamb,
His fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The Lamb was sure to go.

He followed her to school each day,
T’wasn’t even in the rule.
It made the children laugh and play,
To have a Lamb at school.

And then the rules all changed one day,
Illegal it became;
To bring the Lamb of God to school,
Or even speak His Name!

Every day got worse and worse,
And days turned into years.
Instead of hearing children laugh,
We heard gun shots and tears.

What must we do to stop the crime,
That’s in our schools  today?
Let’s let the Lamb come back to school,
And teach our kids to pray!

If you agree, please pass this on.  It is said that 86% of Canadian, American & British people believe in God.  Why don’t we just tell the other 14% to be quiet and sit down????  If you agree, pass this on, if not delete. God bless you.